themadtyper

Another day I get up get dressed and go looking for a job. I have no money only the bus tickets that I keep in my worn out wallet that also holds my ID, social security card along with a contact number to Vocational Rehabilitation and my probation officer’s phone number. I left the house this morning with the hopes of returning with some type of  employment. This is not really going so well I have visited many places and haven’t had the smallest amount of luck. My girlfriend called you know the only one who seems to understand but I couldn’t talk to her because I get tired of not having any good news and I don’t want to upset her.The day is almost over and anything could happen who knows I am hopeful fro a better day I know if I keep looking something will come along but how long will my wait be. My probation was extended another six moths because I don’t have the money to pay the fines I owe the city of Columbia from the time I got my drug conviction. It’s Ironic that I sold drugs to get money when I could not get a job and got arrested it was irrational thinking on my part, but it paid the bills.

When I did sell drugs I did not feel so low at  not being able to provide for myself and my family because I was able to pay child support and help my mom out as well. Now everybody looks at me like I am not worth the air I breathe I made a decision and I know it is the correct one to value my freedom, but where is the solace at being free when you cannot do anything productive with your freedom. Everybody wants you to do the right thing or so they say.

What do you do when your income decides whether you maintain your freedom when it is the very thing that got your freedom taken away from you in the first place. I am simple man I have been a lot of things while I was on the wrong side of the law but unfair and greedy was not one of them. A now when I just want to be a model citizen and try to give back something and be productive I have to be given the third degree about everything even getting a job I have put in hundreds of applications I am probably close to the one thousand mark at this point and still filling them out and turning them in wondering whats wrong with me. I have trades, I have people skills I have excellent communications skills considering the environment I grew up in.

I feel like I am being blackballed and railroaded it seems like it is not meant for me to succeed I hold on daily and try to keep the faith I guess this is what Tupac meant in his song me against the world.

Can you imagine the shock to my system it would be to get incarcerated  again solely because I cannot find employment is it fair is it even ethical is it even logical.What the world has in store for me what can I do to change my plight will locking me back up for the 16 month suspended sentence I have, even be conducive to help stop crime what laws have I broken in the last 20 months that would deem be being a threat to society the judicial system does not car that we are in a recession and that I am giving this much effort to do the write thing had I broken the law and went back to my old was of dealing would have made it possible to get of probation early provided that I paid them the money owed in fines is this backwards or is it me and I have the wrong thoughts about the situation pleas let me know I sit her in the one stop job service building at the point of discouragement trying to get some type of employment. How do I continue with being a law abiding citizen when the will quickly take me of the streets because I can’t pay the $494.00 I owe do they think they are the only people that I am indebted to this would be absolutely asinine for them to even assume that. Its a battle of morals versus logic break the law to keep my freedom but risking my freedom to keep my freedom how can I win when every option points me to a life of crime that will lead me to a life back behind bars and the very act of refraining will ultimately lead me back behind bars whats a man to do in this situation.

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